During this process though, I have started to get discouraged. I feel like God is moving me to take a trip to Thailand and see the effects of trafficking with my own eyes. To truly open up my eyes to what is breaking His heart. Twice, I thought I had the money to fund at least part of the trip and then things keep coming up that seem like they are blocking it ~ loss of both part time incomes, car problems with 3 of the 4 vehicles, a wrecked truck, a clutch going out in a car, the list goes on (and on and on).
It is so easy to give in to the discouragement, to just give up, because it seems like every time I turn around something else has gone south.
But God knows my heart and He wants me to have the same passion He does for these people, so He did two things.
1) The movie "Not Today" came out on DVD on August 6th. I was so looking forward to seeing it that I pre-ordered and had it in my hand on August 6th. Then it took me 23 days to finally sit down and finally watch it.
Wow. That is all I can say. It is an amazing movie about God using a vacation to break one young man's heart for the hurting and the poor in the trafficking industry of India.
This young man has a courage I cannot even imagine. I know it is a fiction movie, but there are people in this big world who have done what this man did or something like it. It pushes the drive in me even more to see this for myself. To be changed by it.
2) I am currently doing the David Platt study "Follow Me". Before it started the other day, someone at church asked me about my trip. I gave the basics - hoping to still raise funds to go, being discouraged, want to go in late fall. When I went to Bible Study, I texted her then to ask what made her think of it. She said, "God has laid it on my heart. I want to do what I can either donate personally or help with a fundraiser." We talked more later about what my discouragement was about and she encouraged me.
Wait...did God use people from church THREE times to motivate me? Yes. (First time was when a friend told me of her vision of what my role was to look like and another asked me to speak in the future ~ see The Rest of the Story). He is using others to push me forward. I cannot even begin to tell you how much that made my heart happy. Every time I get discouraged or think I can't, He sends me someone to tell me I can.
So, in the Bible Study, we studied that Matthew tells us that Jesus told His disciples at least six times to "follow me". They were to leave their families, jobs, possessions, even a dead relative to follow Him. His ministry was short and demanded their full attention and commitment that although his demands seem radical, it was because of the urgency of the message. I have been looking at my own life over the last two weeks - since starting this study - and I wonder if my life looks different. If I am "following Him". God has chosen each of us to do something for His kingdom work. I believe He has put trafficking in front of me for a reason. I believe He has looked me in the face and said, "Follow me. Follow me down this scary, dark path. Be the light to someone. Be a fisher of men, of women, of children."
Maybe I won't be able to save a life from a trafficker's grip. Maybe I won't be the one who prevents another life from suffering these horrors. But maybe, just maybe, I can be a small light, plant a small seed, bring hope. I truly believe it is what I am supposed to do.
SO...I will be doing some small fundraisers. These are to raise money for a trip that will allow me to go into the Red Light District, prayer walk, see and truly understand the brokenness and darkness, and I will even be able to go to a rescue home that cares for children after they have been rescued from the traffickers/sex industry. I need to see the depravity and allow it to truly break my heart so that in my broken heart I can be more motivated to help end slavery/trafficking.
If you wish to donate new or craft items to an online auction, donate used items for a yard sale, have any brilliant ideas on fundraisers, or just wish to donate, please let me know. The online auction will be coming up soon and has some great items already.
I covet your prayers ~ for me, for this trip, for my journey, and more importantly for those impacted by trafficking - the victims, the traffickers, the slave owners, and the johns.
Truly this is my prayer (from Hillsong's Hosanna) -
Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity
